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It’s nearly 3 on a Friday afternoon and I am sleepy. I feel as if I am jet lagged or haven’t slept in24 hours. You would think I didn’t get 6 hours of sleep plus a 20-30 minute nap on the train ride to work. I haven’t even run since Tuesday. I did stand the entire 90 minute Galaxy game last night, because that’s what you do at soccer games…stand the entire time, but I still shouldn’t be all fatigued. Thinking about it now, not eating dinner last night plus today’s lunch of cold pasta, tomatoes with mozzarella cheese and ice cream probably wasn’t the best way to energize my body. I’ll probably nap on the train ride home, and perhaps inadvertently fall asleep on the bus too. Unless rereading Harry Potter 3 keeps me up. (What happened to reading for American literature??) I want to do some yoga after work, get a nap and try to eat something healthy before going out tonight. Tomorrow should be pretty wonderful. I aim to sleep in until 9, do some yoga, get my hair trimmed, go for a long run with my boyfriend, and then eat to my heart’s content at the LA Street Food Festival at the Rose Bowl.

Jul. 20th, 2010

Fall 2010

Monday/Wednesday 9:30-12:15

Tuesday/Thursday 12:30-3:15

 My new school schedule for Fall means, I’ll have to stop working at Nestlé. I’m happy and sad about this. It’s been such a great opportunity and I’ve really liked everything I’ve done while I’m there. I’m happy because to be honest, I’m excited for much more free time. Last semester I was only working about 12 hours a week, but I had school days that lasted from 9-4. This summer I’ve been working 30 hours a week, four days a week. I know that both of those are really easy schedules and I shouldn’t be complaining for more free time, but I’m not going to mind a semester of it before I finish up my BA and move on to a full time job and/or more school. I’m looking forward to not having to wake up 6 if I don’t want to. I really hope I can start using my mornings to work out four days a week. I have such better workouts in the morning and find it tremendously easier to find the energy then rather than after 7.5 hours of work and 2.5 hours of commuting. I wouldn’t mind even continuing to get up at 6 to fit in a run/yoga/pilates/cycling.

I feel so spoiled and selfish writing all this. I really should be thinking about acquiring a part time job for after school, but even if I do that, I should still have my free mornings. I suppose I really don’t need to defend my excitement over an open schedule. It’s nice and refreshing to change things up every now and then.


Update on my summer goals:

Running. I’ve been attempting to run 2 or 3 times a week but I’ve hit some sort of slump both physically and mentally. If I don’t run, I’ve been trying to do yoga or pilates, so I’m at least exercising. It’s definitely time to sign up for another 5k to attempt to re-infuse myself with motivation.

Writing. I haven’t taken anytime to really creatively write anything. Maybe a short blog post here and there, but that’s it. Maybe I should start keeping a journal. At least I’d be writing something.

Organizing. Between 20-35 hour work weeks, plus my 2 ½ hour a day commute, exercising, seeing my boyfriend, and being social…this has not happened. Ha, but I’m not to stressed about it.

Birthday and heels. Nada.

So it appears setting goals didn’t really help me keep, well, any of them. I need a new approach or something. I have on the other hand, been having a whole mess of fun. I continue to love my boyfriend, family and friends. My commute allows me to get reading in and I’ve already finished Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, The Kite Runner, and am currently immersed in Slaughterhouse Five. In 3 months, I’ll be 21 and finally able to go out more with aforementioned friends and boyfriend.

Time to have another go at these goals. I believe I’ll start tonight with a trip to the gym and at least cleaning out my closet…while wearing heels. J I’ll also attempt to either write in a paper journal or this one, at least about the trivial details of my day to day.



I wish I could time travel to tell myself, “Hey, you’re gonna make it out the other side.” I want to tell myself that if you think this is a catastrophe and the end of your life, maybe you should read some history books and learn about real disasters and death. I want to say, you know as hard as it is to lose your best friend or great love, there’s going to be more. You’re going to think you’re healed sooner than you will be, but these wounds you have really do heal with time. If this is the worst thing that ever happens to you, you’re going to lead such a blessed life.

 I’m really happy lately. In a when-I-get-emotional, I almost want to cry about it. Yeah of course there are the usual trivial downturns and annoyances. Did I foresee my summer being made up of 7 ½ work days and 2 ½ hour long commutes? Not really. Am I lucky and fortunate to be making good money while I still have minimal monthly bills (cell phone and gym membership) so that I can put money away? Yes.

 I have great relationships with everyone in my family, a great relationship with my boyfriend, steady paychecks, good friends, and good health. For that, I am grateful. <3


Goals for summer:

Be able to run 5-6 miles at a time.

Put together a 10-15 page sample of writing (for grad school applications in winter).

Organize closet (to an extreme; there is way too much junk/clothes I never wear).

Plan 21st birthday party in October.

Learn how to walk in heels (and not look drunk or klutzy).

Have fun.

I think these are all attainable goals. From last summer until now I've trained myself to run an entire 5k (3.1 miles). I probably should quit the gym because I've pretty much stopped taking classes and doing anything besides run on the treadmill. It's too nice outside to be spending $27/month to use a treadmill. I need to get over my control issue of knowing how far I run/buy some type of running device to tell me how far I ran. The writing task is somewhat daunting to me, but it's what I've spent the past 3 years studying and what I want to do with my life (right?). The closet can easily be a one-two day task. My birthday is more tricky depending on money and friend's availabilty.
The heels one is vain, but I want to wear heels to work, to parties, and going out. They hurt my feet and I have always given up on this goal, but I want to look professional and classy, so here's to trying to practice wearing heels around the house for 20 minutes or so a day until it's almost second nature.

By the way, I completed my junior year of college today. A year from now I'll have a BA in English. How crazy is that?

merry happy

I’ve had a ridiculously good week. The weather has been spectacular which reminds me every day of how much I love being born and raised in Southern California.

On Wednesday, I treated myself to a complete day of relaxation; a Valentine’s day present to myself. I slept in, well until 8, made myself a big bowl of oatmeal and bananas and went to yoga at the gym at 10:30. Due to 24 not having night yoga classes or non-6:45 a.m. Saturday classes, I never get to go to yoga. After yoga, I went to Massage Envy and had a wonderful 60 minute massage, thanks to a gift card from Christmas. My mom and I then had lunch together a Corner Bakery and I got a pedicure. I spent the rest of the day lazily doing homework and watching Desperate Housewives, and I made bacon and pancakes for dinner.

Thursday night, I took the boy to Sushi Planet and spent a good two hours talking and cuddling in my car.

Friday I had a long, easy work day and then made dinner with my best friend and enjoyed some margaritas while watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. Later we went to another friend’s apartment and just lounged around.

Saturday was the LA Street Food Festival. I went with my sister, my brother in law, and three of my sister’s friends. Despite long lines and getting slammed in the face by a truck door (yeah…ouch), I had a really good time. All the food was delicious, there were two celebrity sightings, and downtown LA was gorgeous in this weather. We followed the food fest with Jacuzzi time, Red Robin, and watching a Disney movie.

Valentine’s day was started off with a two mile run at the gym, a few hours on the beach with Katelyn, a burrito and a bottled coke. At night I went over to the boy’s apartment and we went out for pie and rented movie. It was one of the best Valentine’s day I can remember, (besides my February 13th date with Josh, which of course I’ll always hold dear.)

Today I went on a nice hike with my best friend, his mom and dog and then to my brother’s baseball practice.

I’m just ridiculously happy right now. It could be because I’m taking 4 easy classes and only working 12 hours a week. Maybe it’s all the sunshine and vitamin D I’ve been getting. It could be from all the exercise and the endorphins. Or maybe it’s how lovely everything is progressing with this new boy. Not too fast, not too slow.

In any case, I hope this keeps up. I’m loving the feeling.


Did I mention I’m going to Disneyland tomorrow? <3

up in the gym, working on my fitness

I am pretty set on getting a gym membership for myself for Christmas. Now that my cardio kick boxing class at Moorpark is ending, I want a way to stay active. I really hate when skinny girls refer to themselves as fat, even though I know I’ve caught myself doing it. For the record, I don’t think I’m fat. I think I’m not in good enough shape for someone who is only 20 years old. I want to start good habits now so when I start popping out babies and my metabolism slows down, I won’t have to start over in a much harder position. Plus, I sort of love to exercise. Well love-hate. I’m pretty lazy, so getting myself motivated is usually my biggest issue. Once I start exercising, even if my lungs are burning and I’m sure even sitting will be painful the next day, I feel a lot better. It’s funny, I always knew my ex used the gym as his little mental escape (/obsession) but I never really got it myself until this kick boxing class. It gave me two hours a week to completely turn off my anxiety. Even though, I’ve gone into overdrive working on dealing with my anxiety, I think I need something more. School and work has really been burning me out. I spend so much time in the car, on my computer (at work and home), and sitting in front of the television. I’m making a promise to my future “adult” self that I won’t commute or have a cubicle ever again. Hopefully. It really does something to my motivation and energy. I’m hoping that over the month of off school (and hopefully a week off of work for Christmas and New Years), I’ll be getting into shape and being annoyingly upbeat and happy.
Now to spend WAY less money on eating out to continue to save while paying some sort of monthly fee. Also to decide whether or not to ask for a few personal training sessions for Christmas.

to my surprise the sky had landed

I have always considered myself to be more of a summer person over any other season. Being born and raised in southern California, some might argue that summer is essentially the only season I’m well acquainted with. But on this last day of summer before my third year of college, I think I’m realizing I’m more of a Fall/Winter person, permitting it is a southern California winter. I’ve enjoyed my 3 months of smelling like chlorine, finding the floor in my closet to be dusted with sand from the beach, and having drastic tan lines, I find myself looking forward to school and rain. Looking forward to school isn’t completely unreasonable for me, especially since I love and am generally intrigued by what I’m studying, but looking forward to rain is not like me at all. In the short time that I’ve been a licensed driver, I’ve always hated driving in the rain. I think most of my hatred for driving in the rain came from the months I spent with really horrible windshield wipers. Another issue I have with the rain is the damage it causes after I spend a morning blow drying and straightening it. Therefore, the fact that it could be El Nino this year and I am looking forward to rain possibly points to some kind of break in my sanity. Moving on from that possibility, the reasons for me growing more and more excited for cooler weather and long school days has to do with the fact that the majority of my favorite things happen during fall and winter. First comes my birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Followed by the reintroduction pumpkin flavored anything, but especially hot pumpkin chai tea lattes, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin pie, and my mother’s pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. Then there is the fall wardrobe of sweaters, scarves, boots, and smiles.

While I’ve been thinking about fall and winter, I realized that I have started 4 relationships during the months of January and February. While that is probably merely coincidence, it has me wondering what this winter will have in store for me. While I’m slightly sad to see another summer draw to a close, I can’t help but be excited to develop a whole new routine. I’m also looking forward to a few trips to new places to visit familiar faces.


Goodbye Summer.

taking a break at work :]

I recently realized the trendy thing to do is to start a blog, so I did. loveandtexting.blogspot.com 
I've only made one post so far, but I'd like to be posting in there at least once a week, so you better start following it. You can comment and such using your lj account.

In other news, I've been working as a sort of assistant to the Director of Change Management (Michael's mom!) at the Nestle USA headquarters in Glendale all summer. Usually 3 days a week. I also finally left Hollister because my sister was hired as a Manager in Training. I officially become an Abercrombie (technically already was) employee tomorrow, for my first shift at A&F. Once school starts I believe I'll be staying on at both Nestle and Abercrombie. So my life will look like:

Monday: Glendale 9am-2pm then Moorpark (Cardio Kickboxing) 4pm-5:30pm
Tuesday: CSUN 9:30am-4:45pm
Wednesday: Glendale 9am-2pm then Moorpark (Cardio Kickboxing) 4pm-5:30pm
Thursday: CSUN 9:30am-4:45pm
Friday: Nestle or A&F
Saturday/Sunday, I'd like to keep free so I can sleep in, do homework and my online Philosophy class.

I'm not really sure doing all this will work out, but I guess I'll have to wait and see. I want to get through school and continue getting good work experience, even if it really isn't my field of study. $12/hour makes it not so bad. If it all becomes to much I will just quit A&F.

I can't believe summer is almost over. Well here's to looking forward fall birthdays (mine!), pumpkin chai tea lattes, pumpkin icecream, and cute sweaters.
PS. I tried to detect my location and it said I was in Missouri. That's obviously where my heart must be.

with or without you

I've always been more of a glass half full, optimistic sort of person. In a world where you have to fear Sarah Palin and swine flu among other catastrophes, it helps to look on the bright side of things. Recently I think my glass has been looking a little empty and my grass a duller shade of green. I do not want to be one of those people who needs someone in their life to make them complete and happy, but right now I feel that a big chunk of who I am was taken hostage. I am not really sure if I can recover the missing part of me or if I will be forced to rebuild from scratch. I've been left with his negative outlook on life while he ran off with my self esteem and confidence. I know that I am going to be alright but I really wish my self esteem wasn't so low. I wish I had never had to meet the woman who is more "intriguing" or whateverthefuck she is than me. Comparing yourself to your ex's new girlfriend who happens to be ten years old than you, beautiful, big fake boobs, a really nice body which you were forced into seeing naked when you awkwardly met her when she was drunk, and happens to be very nice, is probably the worst thing you can do. I try not to think about her at all or to think negative things, like how she is a mother of an 8 year old but...that impresses me or that she's 29 at junior college...but she's trying, she is already divorced..but I feel sorry for that. I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself.
I want to learn how to accept the things that I can not control. I can not make someone love me if they don't want to. I have been feeling so pathetic for becoming this sad girl who let's herself be used because she's delusional.

I know that it just takes time for all wounds to heal but all I want back is my optimism and self confidence, please.